The Simple Habit That Can Transform Your Marriage (But We Rarely Do It)
Encouragement is the oxygen of a healthy marriage. Without it, love suffocates under the pressures of daily life.
The good news? It only takes a moment to revive your spouse’s heart.
In 1 Thessalonians 5:11, Paul encourages the church in Thessalonica to keep uplifting and supporting one another. As followers of Jesus, our primary ministry is to our marriage and home, yet we often struggle to encourage our spouses in the Lord amid the busyness of life. It is easy to overlook the simple, daily ways we can uplift and encourage our spouses as we minister in our homes.
Encouragement doesn’t have to be grand; frequently, small, consistent acts of love cultivate a strong and lasting relationship. This one simple habit can transform your marriage!
I want to share five practical ways to encourage your spouse every day. These ideas are not revolutionary; they are small, but I believe consistency in the small things produces significant results.
Speak Life-Giving Words.
Words have the power to build up or tear down (Proverbs 18:21). Be intentional with your words—express appreciation, offer genuine compliments, and speak words of affirmation. Instead of assuming your spouse knows how much you love and admire them, say it out loud!
Try this: Each day, tell your spouse one thing you love about them—whether it’s their kindness, patience, or how they make you laugh. Tell your spouse that you find them attractive, love how they make you feel, and are grateful for the sacrifices they make in your marriage.
Pray for (and with) Your Spouse.
Nothing is more powerful than covering your spouse in prayer. Even if you don’t always pray together, let them know you are lifting them up before the Lord. Prayer strengthens your bond and reminds you that your marriage is built on a foundation greater than yourselves. Ecclesiastes 4:12 tells us that a cord of three strands is not easily broken. Include the Lord in your marriage through prayer. That marriage will be more able to withstand the hardships of life with the Lord at the center.
Try this: Before your spouse heads to work or bed, say, “I prayed for you today.” Or, hold hands and pray together, and invite the Holy Spirit into your marriage.
Show thoughtful acts of love.
Encouragement isn’t just about words—it’s also about actions. In fact, the term "encourage" in 1 Thessalonians 5:11 relates more to actions than to words. The Greek word "parakaleo" (Strong’s 3870) means “to call alongside.” It can imply summoning, urging, or encouraging someone to take action, often in an ethical context. It can also convey offering comfort or exhortation, but the essence of the word signifies coming alongside someone and walking with them.
Find small, meaningful ways to serve your spouse. For example, you could make them coffee in the morning, pack their lunch for the day, leave a sweet note, or take care of a task they dislike. These small gestures communicate, “I see you, and I love you.”
This past week, Steven handled something at our community theater that caused me immense stress and anxiety. His words, “Baby, I’ve got this,” meant the world to me. I felt encouraged. I was seen, loved, and cared for in his simple action.
Try this: Choose one small, unexpected way to serve your spouse today—maybe warming up their car, preparing their favorite snack, or sending an encouraging text during the day.
Be There Biggest Cheerleader.
Your spouse needs to know that you believe in them. Encourage their dreams, support their calling, and remind them of their God-given gifts. Whether they’re facing challenges at work, struggling with parenting, or dealing with personal doubts, be their loudest cheerleader. Praise them in public and let them know they are loved. Proverbs 31:28 says, “Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.” The same principle applies in reverse. Women, praise your husband and be his biggest fan.
Try this: Say, “I believe in you,” or “I’m so proud of how you handled that,” when they share something with you.
Offer Grace and Kindness.
Marriage is filled with imperfect moments, and we all have days when we fall short. Choosing grace over criticism can transform conflict into connection. Instead of concentrating on what your spouse didn’t do, seek out ways to show kindness and patience. 1 Corinthians 13:5 tells us that love keeps no record of wrongs. Give grace to yourself and your spouse if they fall short.
Try this: The next time you feel irritated, pause and ask, “How can I respond with love and grace?” Sometimes, a simple hug or reassuring touch can shift the atmosphere.
Encouragement isn’t complicated—it involves being intentional, present, and loving in the small moments. When we make encouragement a daily habit, we nurture a marriage that reflects the beauty of Christ’s love.
These five tips are so simple.
They are so easy.
Nothing I wrote here was revolutionary.
I’d imagine you know all of this . . . so why don’t we do it?
Busyness and Distraction—Life moves fast. Between work, kids, responsibilities, and endless to-do lists, we can become so consumed with the urgent that we forget the important. Encouraging our spouse isn’t hard—it just requires intentionality, which often gets lost in the rush.
Taking Each Other for Granted— The longer we’re married, the easier it is to assume our spouse already knows we love, appreciate, and support them. But encouragement isn’t a one-time thing; it’s the daily reminders that keep love alive.
Emotional Exhaustion—Some days, we feel drained. If we’re feeling discouraged, stressed, or overwhelmed, it’s hard to pour our emotions into someone else. Ironically, encouraging our spouse often lifts us up as well. If you are feeling emotionally exhausted, tell your spouse. Open your heart and be honest with them.
Unspoken Expectations—Sometimes, we withhold encouragement because we feel we need it first. We might think, Why should I go out of my way if they aren’t doing the same for me? But love isn’t transactional. When we choose to encourage first, we often see a shift in our relationship.
Underestimating the Power of Small Things— As mentioned earlier, we often believe that encouragement must be a grand gesture when, in reality, it’s the small acts done consistently that create the most significant impact.
So, what do we do?
We practice.
We don’t wait until it feels easy or natural.
We build the habit of encouragement, one small step at a time.
Because a strong marriage isn’t built in a day—it’s built in the daily moments of choosing love, again and again.
If encouraging your spouse feels unfamiliar or awkward, here are fifteen conversation starters to help you make it a daily habit.
